what is really important

My idea is to turn this into more of a blog about parenting than just one focused on my kids. I don't think it is a waste of time to write about such things. Instead, I think it will keep me focused on what is really important.

I read two interesting articles recently. The first, "The Divorce Generation," appeared in The Wall Street Journal this month, and captures the rather conservative streak in today's parents.

"For much of my generation—Generation X, born between 1965 and 1980—there is only one question: "When did your parents get divorced?" Our lives have been framed by the answer. Ask us. We remember everything," writes author Susan Gregory Thomas. Thomas is also the author of Buy, Baby, Buy, which can be found on our book shelf.

She goes on to note that, "Divorce rates, which peaked around 1980, are now at their lowest level since 1970. In fact, the often-cited statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce was true only in the 1970s—in other words, our parents' marriages."

I remember once in college when I mentioned my parents were married, it was met with some shock. "You mean your parents are still together?" A sizable chunk of my friends' parents didn't stay together. Was it really 50 percent? Maybe. But growing up, divorce seemed extremely common. Kids like me were bombarded with After School Specials about divorce, and I came to think it quite natural that one day my mother and father would too part. But which one to choose? I awaited my moment on the stand. I imagined my father would be more lax when it came to discipline, but that he might also forget to feed me. So, I was pretty sure I'd pick Mom, bossiness aside.

Fortunately, it didn't happen that way. But you can see how the national trend effected my outlook. The result of this? A stodgy, conservative, overprotective group of parents.

Which leads us to the second article, Is Sex Passe? written by none other than Erica Jong, whose books can also be found on our bookshelves. It appeared in The New York Times this month. Jong is basically criticizing her daughter for leading a boring, monogamous life.

"People always ask me what happened to sex since Fear of Flying," writes Jong. "While editing an anthology of women’s sexual writing called “Sugar in My Bowl” last year, I was fascinated to see, among younger women, a nostalgia for ’50s-era attitudes toward sexuality," she writes. "The older writers in my anthology are raunchier than the younger writers. The younger writers are obsessed with motherhood and monogamy."

Some more angry words from the 69-year-old feminist: "Better to soul cycle and write cookbooks. Better to give up men and sleep with one’s children. Better to wear one’s baby in a man-distancing sling and breast-feed at all hours so your mate knows your breasts don’t belong to him. Our current orgy of multiple maternity does indeed leave little room for sexuality. With children in your bed, is there any space for sexual passion?"

Most of this is a dialogue with her only daughter, Molly Jong-Fast, age 32. You can read her take on things here.

"I am my mother’s worst bourgeois nightmare. I live on the Upper East Side. I have three children -- all by the same man!" she writes. "I am a low-rent yuppie, shuttling my children back and forth to the various and sundry activities and involving myself in the Parents’ Association. I am the person my grandmother and mother would have watched in silent scorn."

Her article, "Being a prude in a family of libertines," appeared in Salon in May. Her narrative: of a person who was jaded at a young age and largely found the indulgences of her parents generation -- sex, drugs -- unsatisfying or even life threatening -- resonates with me. Glad to know I'm not the only one.