In Tallinn's Old Town there are three buildings build alongside each other called The Three Sisters. They now house a luxury hotel. I wonder if it would do as well, if it was called The Three Brothers. Or, even worse, My Three Sons. (This is a joke only my father will get).
When Anna was born, our model family was the Kusakabe family from the Hideo Miyazaki film My Friend Totoro, with Marta cast as Satsuki, the big, adventurous sister, and Anna cast as Mei, the curious and unintentionally funny little sister. But now we have to find new models. I worried about this until Anna pointed out that they could all be mermaids from H20, with each of them fighting for who gets to me Emma, Cleo, and Rikki. So she has an imagination. Which is good.
One thing I have been studying up on is sibling rivalry. I've heard a lot about "middle child" syndrome, but Anna seems to be more jealous of Marta than little Maria Leena. When I was in New York visiting my parents, we found a stack of old photo albums, most of which featured a baby Marta. "But where are the photos of me?" she asked. She was so disappointed that there was no photo of her. I have noticed all the girls beam when I tell them they are special, or show them a book they liked when they were little. It really gives them something, it makes them feel good.
What can I tell you about each of my three daughters? My relationship with Marta is much better than it used to be. She has become more independent in the past year, and I think her trip to stay with my parents this past summer encouraged that independence. Marta and I used to have more conflicts because Marta is very assertive and not afraid, and also likes to show others how confident she is, sometimes by blatantly disobeying me in front of her friends. Now, she is more inclined to listen to me. And I am more inclined to trust her. We also have more to talk about.
I read an article recently about favoritism. Do we really secretly favor one child over others? I thought about this and it bothered me, because my relationship with Marta has been more strained in the past than with Anna. But I came to the conclusion that I don't believe this, at least in my case. I just think our relationships are different. I will connect with Marta in ways that I don't connect with Anna and vice versa.
Marta has been going to music school and it seems that she hasn't given up. I really think she has talent in this regard. This is not to say that she should be a professional musician, but a path has revealed itself for her to follow for as long as it makes sense.
Anna came with me to New York. It was our first trip together. Anna has always been more sensitive to change than Marta. She was very upset when we moved from Tartu to Viljandi, and when we sold the red car and got the gray car, and when she got a new bed. So I was worried that it might be too much for her, but she managed it mostly well. It was so good to show her more of the world, to show her the beaches where I grew up and eat different kinds of foods. Even the movies she watched were mostly good. She watched a film called Winky's Horse several times. One day she came up to me talking about "Blackfoot Indians." I had no idea where a four year old had learned about the Blackfoot Indians (they live in Alberta and Montana, in case you are interested). But then, after watching Winky's Horse, I saw that they were mentioned in the film! So she learned how to say something from watching that movie ... Educational!
We also read the Madeline series of books. For some reason, it made me want to go to France. Maybe it was also the trip to Montreal. I promised Anna that we will go to France one day together. She had so many questions about little Madeline. She also wanted to know what an "appendix" was. In the first book, Madeline has an appendectomy.
At the same time I did leave her alone for days at a time while I was traveling, and Anna was not easy to deal with sometimes. She gets frustrated very easily and will kick and throw tantrums ... she has little patience. At the same time, I feel that she really needs me. She loves to snuggle and read stories. One good thing, her English improved dramatically. She is now speaking to me in English all the time. It's clunky and she doesn't know some words and she has awkward constructions and a bit of an accent ("drink" is "trink" with a rolled "r"), but she is functioning in English. That's really important to me. It put too much pressure on me as a foreigner to have my own kid speaking Estonian to me and trying to figure out what she was saying. Anna went back to preschool and has done really well. It is good for her to be back in a comfortable environment.
Finally, Maria Leena. It took no time at all to bond with this little baby. She is a joy. She sleeps well and only cries when she is hungry or has gas or needs a diaper change. Very understandable. She is very curious, and can stare at objects for long periods of time with interest. She likes to lie on my chest and look at my face. She even smiles. Maria Leena has a funny piece of hair on top that sticks straight up. She has interesting eyes, a little slanty, blue or gray or green -- can't tell. She is pretty small, but she is sturdy, and those little skinny frogs legs have gotten fatter in the weeks since she was born. I am not sure if we are born with personalities. But Maria Leena really seems to be a peaceful, agreeable baby. I sing fun songs to her. Domenico Modugno "Piove," M's "Pop Muzik," any funny thing ... I also make up songs. It's fun to be a dad.
