endless night

When Marta was born my Uncle Frank advised me that I would never sleep the same way again. He was wrong -- I have had plenty of sumptuous nights since.

In fact, I find it is hardest to sleep when I am on the road for work. I prefer to fall asleep to the sound of my wife and children breathing nearby.

But last night was an example of what you may expect once in awhile when you have children. At midnight, Anna was ready to cry, ready to crawl, ready to nurse, and ready to rock'n'roll -- but definitely not ready to sleep.

It seemed like nearly all night I tried to ignore the anguish Epp went through as she tried to deal with our driven youngster. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, our bed broke -- that is two of the supports in the middle collapsed.

At this point, I thought that I should fix the bed and if we put everything together I could be fast asleep by 4 am and get a few hours of decent sleep before the bright Estonian spring sun woke me up. But when I glanced at the clock, it already was 4 am.

Anna watched with great interest as I crawled beneath the bed, finally deciding to reinforce the support with larger, sturdier screws. So there I was at 4 am with a battery powered drill, putting our bed back together as Anna stood at the bottom, taking note of my every move.

Finally, the bed was safe for our use and Anna seemed semi-ready to go back to sleep. When I did get up at 8.30 to make the coffee, though, Anna was again ready to rock'n'roll. In fact she looked up at me and said in baby language, "Daddy, do you know what time it is? It's time to rock and roll!"

It was also time to fill up the diaper. So after I made coffee, I changed Anna, handed her back to Epp, and sucked down some life-sustaining Löfbergs Lila.

some friends

Marta sees her friends on a daily basis. I thought I would write a bit about each and how different friends bring out different sides of Marta's personality.

Leenu, age 6

Before they became friends, Marta actually had an encounter with Leenu one day on the road. I was carrying Marta home on my shoulders from school and there was a little girl walking on the side of the street.

Marta asked me, 'what's her name?' I said I didn't know, but that Marta should ask her. Finally she got up the courage to ask, but the little girl ignored her and turned into her yard.

Fast forward about two months and Epp gave me the assignment of dropping off Marta at her friend Kärt's house. And who should be her new playmate, but the same little girl. Somehow, through Epp's friendship with Kärt, Marta began playing with Leenu. Leenu likes Marta because she is silly and I like it that they play together because Leenu is as rough with Marta as Marta is with Anna. Marta sometimes needs to be put in her place. For instance, Marta likes to pick up Anna and drag her around. But Leenu does the same to Marta.

Leenu has been trying to work on my Estonian pronunciation. "It's not "Nok-ia," she says. "It's Nok-i-a."

Riinu, age 4

Riinu is Helen's daughter. I have been very surprised by Riinu because she appears to be a quiet and unassuming Estonian child, but when she gets together with Marta it turns into a rock'n'roll concert.

Last summer I remember how the two of them stood on a bench in the backyard screaming and singing together. It was definitely a frightening experience. They also like to dress up. I consider her an accomplice in princess enthusiasm.

Riinu has a brother named Pärtel. He is about six months older than Anna and he doesn't talk much, but he has left an impression on Marta. Marta quietly confided in me that she would like a brother "like Pärtel." However, she told Epp and I that she would like to name this brother after Leenu's mom, "Kärt."

Paul, age 4

I wasn't there the day Tiia brought her son Paul over to play the first time in New York. But I heard that some sort of tornado hit our living room, leaving furniture toppled from corner to corner.

There is some sort of *spark* that occurs when Marta and Paul get together. It's like an anything-goes demolition derby. It's a bit less crazy than it used to be, but still ... together these two enjoy creating mayhem.

Paul is one of the few little boys in our life that can talk. Because of our mixed contexts I occasionally speak to him in Estonian and occasionally in English. What I say, though, doesn't matter because it would take a nation of millions to hold these two kids back once they have set their minds to something like throwing stones in a pond or running wildly through a zoo.

I like Paul because he is always willing to engage in a sword fight, even if the sword is a stick or a balloon. It is also fun to watch Tiia tell him to stop doing whatever crazy stunt he is engaged in. It makes me feel good when other parents discipline their children. It makes me feel that we are not alone in this world and that our troubles are shared by others.

night owls and early birds

Marta and Anna are different kinds of people. This is already evident at the ages of 4 years and 9 months, respectively.

Marta is a night owl. She can go straight through midnight and beyond if she feels like it. At night she is also her most introspective. Like the snapshot to the left. She can become engrossed in drawing or writing letters.

I remember when we lived in New York, one night Epp, Marta, and I stayed up until something like 3 am watching of all things Federico Fellini's La Strada.

La Strada is in black and white and was filmed in 1954, but Marta paid attention through the whole film, asking at times what Anthony Quinn's character was doing and what Giulietta Masina's character was saying.

Anna, though, seems like she is more of a morning person. She wakes up and I can tell she is excited, even though most of her days are the same. I mean, what exactly is she so excited about? More food, more crawling, more chances to slap us in the face?

Anna really likes to experiment with my face. She is particularly intrigued by my lips and does not hesitate to pull on them, sometimes to the point that it hurts. She also stares in wonder at how many teeth I have. She likes to pry the lips apart, then touch my teeth. This is one of the regular morning activities we share.

These days though, I wish the mornings and the nights were longer. We do get sleep, but there rarely seems to be enough of it. Ditto for time to work.

globalized

Epp's cousin Mihkel invited me to www.geni.com and again I have become momentarily distracted by our family tree.

In the past I used to work on making my family tree taller -- that is tracing it back father. These days, though, I wish I knew less. Some people are into this 'stuff' for the dirt. I am not. The most 'dirty' things I found out were that my great-grandfather "Sam" was born "Salvatore" and that my other great-grandfather "Fred" was born "Alphonse."

Here's a curiosity from the tree. We have Norwegian ancestors. Thymen Jans Lymen and Martje Webber were from Flekkeroy, and island off the south coast of Norway, before they moved to New Amsterdam in the 1630s with the Dutch West Indies company. Their daughter, Anna Maria, married Cornelius Van Hoorn, who was born in Den Hoorn in the Netherlands. The family became Dutch. Their granddaughter, Catharina Van Hoorn, married Dublin-born John McEvers in New York in 1722. The family became Irish. After that the family sort of straddled the line between Irish and English for about a century before becoming Irish, and only Irish, again.

One day I tried to figure out all these diverse roots and then just gave up and decided that one half of me was "Mediterranean" and the other "northern European." But none of it really matters because, as far as I know, the family could be Surinamese in three generations. What I think is funny though is how we tend to think of 'globalization' as a new phenomenon. It seems like its been going on to various degrees over at least the past 400 years, when the Dutch opened trade posts from South America to Malaysia. After that, it snowballed. We're the living proof.

building blocks

Last month we decided to take Marta out of her pre-school classes and start a quasi-pre-school here at home made up mostly of Marta and several friends.

I was a bit torn about Marta's schooling, but it was true that she disliked going to her previous school and for whatever reason she only went off and on from December through March.

Here at home though she is quite eager to see her friends everyday. There are about seven 'students' who learn, sing, paint, play -- basically do pre-school like things. Marta I think feels more comfortable in this environment.

I have also noticed that her ability to read has taken off. I have been working with her -- though not enough, never enough! -- and she has found some books that she likes. She also enjoys the esteem boost she gets by impressing us by pointing out letters or numbers.

When it comes to numbers though, I am afraid she has some bad genes. I was never one for math, and Epp routinely forgets what year it is. One time Epp made an Ofoto album dated 2003. I wondered where she found all those old photos from five years ago. Then I realized that she forgot it was 2008.

So sometimes I might try a very basic math idea, like addition or subtraction, and Marta just blurts out random numbers. "What's 1+1?" "3? 4? 5?" Eh, maybe I am just not a good math teacher.

a loaf of bread

So Anna is eight months old. She likes to eat. In fact, I think she has been programmed by nature to find little pieces of crap on the floor and eat them. So far these attempts have been thwarted before digestion.

The secret to removing a piece of crap from her mouth is to insert two fingers, preferably thumb and index, and then pinch them together to locate the morsel of crayon, paper, or stale cookie crumb she's managed to dig up. Anna does not like this process. "Heyyyy!" she cries. "You took my little piece of crap!"

Anna's eyes are not the Mediterraneo blue of Marta's. Instead they have more green and are lighter. I also had light eyes when I was a baby before they turned darker and green. I am not sure where hers are headed.

I don't know exactly what to do with a baby. She can't really sit still long enough to read, and it seems dumb to read to her even because her only words are 'ede' and 'emme'. 'Ede' is a mystery in itself. It sounds most like 'õde' (sister), but I am starting to believe that she is also trying to say 'Anna' or even 'Issi' --- it all just comes out 'ede'.

So when I am with her, I am playing my guitar. I have learned some children's songs. I usually sing her 'How much is that doggy in the window' because it is easy and she seems to like it. She is very intrigued by the guitar. I tried to get her to pluck a string, but she pulled her hand away because she seems to fear the sound of it. Instead she just bangs her hand on the body of the guitar and yells 'ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!' She seems to like the sound of her voice.

Anna likes to stand and she is very sturdy. I have no idea how this wrinkled little human being that literally burst forth from the womb last July has gotten so big. When Anna was born, her little frog-like legs were thin and her butt was non-existent. Now she is built like a loaf of bread.

astrological blah blah blah

The other day I was sitting with Marta and Anna. Anna kept trying to pinch Marta's cheeks with her little, chubby hands. "Why is she pinching me?" Marta asked. "Because she's a little Cancer the Crab," I said. "What does that mean?" she asked.

Yeah, what the hell does that mean? How was I supposed to explain to my daughter, who probably has no conception of months or years, what astrology was, or how every little bundle of joy came equipped with a Zodiac sign that predetermined how they'd behave in the office or what kind of lover they'd be.

So I just shut my mouth. Astrology seems like BS, but sometimes it helps why people behave certain ways. I mean, Bill Clinton is Leo the lion and Hillary is the stinging Scorpion. When they stand next to each other on a stage, all eyes are on him. And, wouldn't you know, Obama is a Leo too. I once read a description of Pisces that reminded me of my friend Pat, also a Pisces, right down to the Pisces being a disgruntled, troublemaking employee (Pat in a nutshell).

Marta (December 30) is a Capricorn. Supposedly this makes her ambitious and self-reliant. Anna (July 20), though, is a Cancer. Supposedly she is sensitive, homey, and clingy.

I did notice the other day that Anna does not act like Marta. Marta is very pushy and demanding. She's basically always been that way. She wants to see things and go places. Anna, on the other hand, seems more sensitive to her environment. She is more quiet when I take her for walks than Marta was. Marta would reach out to get people's attention. Anna just looks like she's happy to be along for the ride.

Is this because of astrology? Definitely not. But when I asked Epp what she thought, she said that it's because Anna is a little Cancer. And Epp should know. She and Anna have the same birthday.