I don't pay too much attention to ongoing debates in parenting. In the US, it seems there are libraries of books on how to do it, and there are even simmering arguments between those who believe it "takes a village" versus those who believe it "takes a family," or those who recommend "conditional" parenting (witholding love from child to make child do what you want) versus those who recommend "unconditional" parenting -- "Moving from rewards and punishment to love and reason."
In our own way, we've become lifestylists, too, putting our older daughter in a Waldorf-style school, trying to adhere to some green values, creating a home kindgarten for our younger one based on a model popular in Finland. I don't think of us as being ideologues, but we certainly have developed some philosophy towards parenting. I definitely have some values, though I am not sure I could articulate them.
The best advice I got on parenting was from a former Royal Marine. He was my cab driver in Cambridge, UK, in March. He told me his life story, how he was stationed in Kirkenes, Norway, how he met his Norwegian wife in the post office, et cetera, et cetera. And he said, "Whatever you do, always show your children that you love their mother. This will take any bad feelings out of the family." I've been trying to follow his advice. I think he was right. I mean, he was a former Royal Marine.
3 comments:
"Whatever you do, always show your children that you love their mother. This will take any bad feelings out of the family." I've been trying to follow his advice. I think he was right. I mean, he was a former Royal Marine.
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In order to show others love... you would first have needed to have had the experienced of being and feeling that you are/were loved. They are not the same thing.
Some people like me needed to create what they never had so as to help (imprint)their own children to understand what it "feels like" to be loved..so that they then would possess that innate ability and would be able to pass on that life experience of both being and feeling loved... to their husbands, wives and eventually their own children.
Not feeling loved is forever damaging.
Your grandfather the day before he died was in tears speaking to your father. The last words your dad remembers him saying were "why was my father so horrible , why did he beat me , and mostly why didn't he love me" ?
This from an old near death man...
Not feeling loved is forever...
* sorry this is sad...
I think you are right. You need that protective cocoon around you.
Giustino said...
I think you are right. You need that protective cocoon around you.
The fact is I have no protective cocoon...just an empty cocoon.
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