is fear bad?

I was thinking about this today and yesterday because my daughters, especially my eldest one, seem fearless. In fact, she thinks it is funny that I am paranoid and afraid of things, like sharks, snakes, aliens (seeing Jaws, Indiana Jones, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind before age 5 will do things like that to you). But at the same time, fear has saved my butt a lot of times.

Here I am reminded of some of my friends who never backed down from fights, or even provoked them. I have seen tiny Irish bouncers in bars throw big African dudes up against the walls. But the sad thing is, a lot of those little tough guys wind up dead eventually.

I remember one time we were shaken down in DC, a whole line of us, by two very pissed off hoods who were just daring us to look them in the eye. "You want to start something, you want to start something?" I wouldn't have been surprised if those guys were armed -- and I knew some guys who did come home from rougher neighborhoods with black eyes after being jumped. You have to wonder, if I had been one of those tough guys who pushed my luck, would I still be here today?

We are taught that cowardice is bad, and that it's best to be brave. But sometimes knowing one's limits and the instinct to preserve one's safety is also meritable. I think of these things because it seems like one of these big "values" topics that parents grapple with. We are taught certain things as children by big people, but are those certain things really true? Maybe it is good to be afraid sometimes.