love maps

I hadn't shaved for a day or two, and my hair was a little greasy and pulled over to one side. I looked in the mirror, raised an eyebrow, and had an odd thought: "My God, I look just like ... Cary Elwes' character in The Princess Bride."

Of course I was a greasier, swarthier, less film-worthy version of the "Dread Pirate Roberts," but, I looked more like him at that moment that I did like Johnny Depp or Tom Cruise or Samuel L. Jackson. I looked more like him that I did like Richard Gere or Tom Hanks or even Keanu Reeves.

I remembered how Epp told me she had a crush on the farm hand Westley as a teenager. And so I just had to say to her one sentence, "As you wish." It was funny but perhaps there was something else there. I read an article in Salon called Why do women have sex, which mentions a phenomenon called "love maps."

Every woman has her own ideal of what she finds attractive. Some women like short men, some like curly blonds, some like dark bearded types. You often hear a woman say, "He's not my type, but he's your type." Love maps develop very early on when we're children. We develop a template of what we find attractive based on our experiences with people in the past.

And so maybe when Epp had met me, something reminded her of Westley. Maybe my hair was pulled over to one side, and my eyebrow raised. Who knows? Maybe I am more within the boundaries of her "love map"? And maybe she stood within the boundaries of my "love map." (I can tell you, she most definitely was.)

Using these "love maps," women supposedly select their mates. And every gal's got her own map. That means that even if you are old, fat, and have a white beard, there might be a lady out there who will find you desirable, because she's always had a thing for Santa Claus. That's just how it works, at least according to the experts.