showing up

Leave it to Barack Obama to sum up my thoughts on fatherhood:

I have been an imperfect father -- knowing that I have made mistakes and will continue to make more; wishing that I could be home for my girls and my wife more than I am right now.

Ugh, how easy is that to relate to? Are any of us, though, perfect fathers? Most of us are first-timers, let's me try that again, almost all of us are first-timers, unless you are one of those guys who has adult children and then starts another family. It's your first time being a dad and what do you do? What do dads do?

I feel acutely that I am not as good as a mom. Moms seem like they are the priority parent. Dads are more like vice president. Anna likes to be held by me, but when she catches a glimpse of 'emme' all kind thoughts of 'issi' go out the door. She can literally see Epp walk by and begin to cry because 'emme' with her comforting booby juice and loving smile was so close and yet so faraway.

But the truth is that a lot of people I know don't even have fathers. Or if they do, they are estranged. I am literally surrounded by people, young and old, who have little or no relations with their dads. Maybe those feminists in college were right. Maybe most men really are nothing but sperm donors :-(

In that reality, I am reminded of Obama's words. I too am an imperfect father, but at least I show up to the job. And as someone once told me when I worked in construction, 90 percent of doing a good job is just showing up.