nowhere man

Here is a conversation with myself inspired by many conversations with others:

Q: Where are you from?

A: The US

Q: Where in the US?

A: New York

Q: Oh wow, are you from the city?

A: No, I am from Long Island. It's the suburbs east of the city.

Q: Long Island? How come you don't have one of those accents?

A: I don't know.

Q: Where on Long Island are you from?

A: I was born in Huntington.

Q: Huntington?! Do you know Michelle Goldstein?

A: No, well, actually we moved from Huntington when I was six, but ...

Q: You have an Italian name, are you Italian?

A: Yes, I have Italian blood.

Q: But can you speak Italian?

A: Not really. Actually I am only half Italian.

Q: Which half?

A: Well (long boring explanation about how my two grandfathers had Italian roots)

Q: So why do you say you have Italian blood if you also have Irish blood?

A: Because I don't have freckles and my Irish friends have called me 'guinea' on occasion.

Q: So you are American. How about those (insert random sports team here)?

A: Actually, I don't really follow professional sports.

Q: What kind of American are you!?

A: I don't know.

Q: [from older person] Remember the Life cereal commercial where Mikey likes it? Remember that?!

A: No. [to younger person] But remember that Wendy's commercial where the old lady says, 'where's the beef'?

Q: [from younger person] What are you talking about? By the way did you get the new Nintendo station?

A: I actually don't play video games.

Q: So what do you do?

A: Well, I like Brazilian music.

Q: [sound of crickets chirping in the background] So where do you live?

A: Estonia

Q: Is that in upstate New York?

A: No, it's in northern Europe.

Q: Isn't that part of Russia?

A: No, it's part of the European Union.

Q: So what's it like in Ass-stonia?

A: It's like ... they have saunas.

Et cetera.